The Light At The Beginning Of The Tunnel

For the first time in my life I'm not 100% sure of my next step but have come to the realisation that the next step will come to me. Not by sitting back and doing nothing and awaiting the universe's answer but by networking, networking, networking. It's been an interesting road so far, the anguish of the unknown has all but engulfed me at times, but I have managed to pull myself out of the quicksand that threatened to suck me in. It all seemed so clear before, school - varsity - post-graduate - job = sorted. Right? Oh, so very very wrong. So, here I sit with what I now realise is not something to be afraid of but rather an adventure to be embraced, a time to really think about what to do and what will make me happy. So, I've done it a little backwards but I guess my 'gap year' period (which I'll only be able to endure for a few months) begins now. So, its five years after matric, but hey, better late than never. I find myself in the fortunate position of happily living at home with no financial burdens, so I can afford to take this brief sabbatical before launching into the next phase of my life. I am beginning to see this time as a blessing, the only time in my life I will be able to sit, young, free and without the responsibility of a home and family and analyse my situation. This phase has come to a screeching halt so I need to ease into the next cautiously optimistic. And while this blog is truly self-indulgent, it always is a great release. And even if nobody reads it, I got all this off my chest. 'Til next time xxx

WTF Dream

I've always been a vivid dreamer, and I tend to remember them in graphic, technicolour detail. This morning I woke up from the most intense dream I've ever had. It was one of those dreams which absolutely exhaust you as if you physically where involved in every aspect of it. Here's how it began, the following is like a cross between Alfred Hitchcock 'The Birds' and a really awful family gathering.

We open on a weird family get together, all cousins from both sides of the family and a variety of other people dotted around. My boyfriend who I seem uncomfortable with is a midget version of some guy I went to school with. As the dream continues I am having memories of my real life boyfriend who, in the dream, I haven't heard from in three weeks. I assume for some reason that he's broken up with me because I cannot get hold of him. Then, I recieve a letter from real life boyfriend's sister saying the family has been deported as they were illegal immigrants. She is in  safe house with her husband but the rest of the family is in police custody. Throughout the dream I am crying and keep saying: 'why didn't he tell me? he could've just called to tell me!' Because now I'm not sure if we really broke up. A lot of weird shit happens in between, like bathing midget boy in a trickling tap inside a school hall. Then, I'm at home, a state of war on illegal immigrants has been declared. They are being kept in the park up the road from my house where they are being experimented on and turned into birds. The president of the evil regime is in my garden, looking to take hostages from inside the house.

Then, the alarm goes off. WTF? Weirdest dream EVER! Anyway, just thought I'd share that with anyone who's interested, I feel much better now!

The New adventures of New Lisa

A couple of months ago I started to really question what exactly I was doing with my life. The real problem was that I didn’t feel like I was doing enough, I was becoming despondent at work, bored and frustrated. There is a whole world out there and here I sat taking a small and tasteless nibble of the giant cake I wanted a huge chunk out of.

So, then began a journey and one I didn’t think I’d be taking so soon. One year ago I thought I had it all figured out, I was extremely happy with my job and it seemed like the right place to be for the foreseeable future. Well, I couldn’t have been more wrong! What a naïve view, I was deluded, completely unaware of the hellish year that lay ahead. But the upside is that I was forced to look at my choice and take a brave step forward.

After resigning, the huge burden of was lifted, I felt that finally I could start digging in to that big chunk of cake I so desperately wanted. But of course, where to begin? If there’s this great big world out there, what’s the first step into it? Well, that is the most exciting and scary part, exploring options and finding what really grabs you. Of course, that brings a whole new level of anxiety about the future, now that I’m floating around, where to touch down? Who knows if I’ll like what I dabble in next? Deep breath and take on one venture at a time. Well, that’s the plan anyway. So as I sit here typing this, in my last few weeks at work, there’s one thing I know for sure – I  don’t know what is right for me but one thing I know is this isn’t.